Aneurysm Survivors Journal

In the 7 years 5 months and 17 days since my Aneurysm ruptured, (I am not keeping track) not a day has gone by that I have not thought about it. It has become, reluctantly, a significant point in my life. A point that, like a graduation, marriage, or birth of a child, becomes a point to reference other events; something is said to have happened before, or after the Aneurysm. Over the years, I have spoke about the experience with many people. Very often, from either a sincere interest or courtesy, they will ask questions. The questions cover a wide scope but after so long, I can generally anticipate what most people will ask and have arrived at a somewhat standard, stock answer for each.

One question in particular seems to be a common recurrence, “What caused it”. Over the years, I have thought about this question, and the motivations behind it. Is it simple curiosity or something more that moves someone to ask? For some it is likely a bit of fear that prompts the question. They seek a quick bit of reassurance that the same thing will not happen to them. For most, it is just curiosity and, to me, that is understandable, as I have asked the question myself. It even prompted me to go on something of a personal quest to answer why. A quest to learn, to find that one reason, to know what caused an Artery in my brain to suddenly open and change my life so completely.

Perhaps it is my engineering background, but I like simple, precise, mathematical answers, A=B, even though engineering is very often far from simple and precise. In fact, sometimes it can be downright frustrating. Yet, that is what I wanted, an Aneurysm smoking gun. I wanted to open a book and find out that I had caught the Aneurysm germ, or had been exposed to the Aneurysm virus.

Anyone, who is the least familiar with this dread disease, would quickly tell you, there is no virus that caused this condition. In fact, as I was to learn, there was not one single reason that my Anterior Communicating artery decided to bulge out and burst, flooding my brain with blood.

Medicine, I was to learn, is every bit, and more, as frustrating as engineering. I wanted a short simple answer to why I had developed an Aneurysm. People like short simple answers. If an airplane crashes people want to know why, and they want a simple and direct why, bad weather, pilot error, ran out of gas. When catastrophe strikes people want a simple cause, perhaps because, knowing the reason, they feel a reassurance that it will not happen again. That, once known, precautions will be taken to prevent a repeat. I am no different; whenever possible I want a concise answer. Unfortunately, disasters often do not have a single simple cause. More often than not, it is a series of mistakes that causes the airplane to crash or the ship to sink.

Most people my age, late 40’s, would recall the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster back in 1986. Most might also remember that is was a faulty and poorly designed O-Ring on a solid rocket booster that lead to the explosion of the craft and they would be correct. Yet, that was not the only cause.

Had the weather been warm that day the O-Ring would likely have functioned perfectly. Had NASA managers, who had been aware of the flaw for years, insisted on a redesign there would have been no explosion. Had the warning of the engineers and technicians of the danger of launching at such low temperatures been heeded there would have been no explosion that day. Had the launch simply been postponed until the afternoon, events very likely would have turned out different. If just one of these variables had been changed that day, events in Florida on January 28th, 1986 might have passed with little notice.

It was the same with my Aneurysm and the subsequent rupture. Quite possibly, I had been born with a thin spot in an artery in my brain. That, in and of itself, may have never caused an Aneurysm. Later in life, I developed High Blood pressure and that almost certainly played a role in my Aneurysm bursting. Had I never smoked, and watched my weight my blood pressure may have never been a problem and I would have never developed an Aneurysm. Had I been more diligent about taking my blood pressure medication there is every possibility that the Aneurysm would not have burst, it may not have even developed.

Like the space shuttle, there was no one cause to my personal disaster. The conditions to develop an Aneurysm existed in my body and that is something, over which, I had no control. Yet, there were a variety of other reasons, that I did have control over, which almost certainly factored into the equation that led to the artery in my brain rupturing that September morning. Had one of the variables in the equation been changed, I might still be going through life completely oblivious to Aneurysms. Though it was not something, I deliberately or consciously set out to do I was not an innocent bystander in this personal tragedy.

Now, I am not stating, or even implying, that this is true in all Aneurysms. That, as we all surely know, is far from the truth. Many people pay close diligent attention to their health, they eat right, do not smoke or drink, never touch drugs, and exercise regularly. Yet, they have still developed an Aneurysm. Even children, I know of one as young a four, have experienced these aberrations. Some people, no matter what they do, or do not do, will develop an Aneurysm while others will not.

Perhaps I was destined all along for this experience. Maybe my smoking and excess weight never made a difference at all. Well, maybe not, but in my own personal situation, I think it might have made all the difference in the world. I suspect that had I done a few things differently things might have turned out different for me. I cannot help but wonder how many other people this is true for but, more importantly, being armed with this information what do we do with it. Would the threat of Aneurysm be any more effective at stopping smoking, curbing obesity, and motivate people to take better care of themselves than Heart Disease, Cancer, and Emphysema has been.